UNDER DURESS.....
I'm not one for airing my linens in public (no matter how high the thread count), but for a while I have been
‘stepping out’ with someone. As often happens with these things, as serious as it was for me, it came to an
end. We’ve all been through it.
No matter how grown-up one tries to be, sometimes there are bits of silliness that crop up. Sometimes, rather
nasty bits of silliness. Accusations, recriminations, violence, intimidation, stalking, harassment.... and
occasionally blackmail.
Unfortunately, all of the above have been visited upon me in the last few weeks. The Police are unable to
assist with an A.V.O. in this instance, so I’ve been enduring an ongoing, and (so far) unceasing campaign of
terror.
I could descend into naming names and outing the perps (too CSI New Jersey...), but I can’t see that helping,
really. What I CAN do is pre-empt, and by doing so dis-arm my much loved, very disturbed ex-whatever-it-was.
Accusations (as fake as they are varied) currently include (but are not limited to):
Prostitution (really... no I mean
really???? It’s a compliment...)
Theft (I’m beginning to wish I had...)
Heading a Major Drug Cartel (would I be living in such a tiny unit... with no dishwasher?)
Physical abuse (anyone here not noticed I’m a great big poof and a wimp?)
... and a whole bunch of other bits of nonsense that in any other circumstances would have me positively
howling with laughter.
So, my darling friends, relations, acquaintances, Romans, countrymen – if rumours of my
hookeryish-robberyish-cocaine-smuggleryish-basher-upperyish exploits, adventures and dastardly deeds reach
your divinely innocent ears, please treat them.... as you will, really! But either way, we should all get a
bloody good laugh out of this...
... eventually.
Then I’ll write my autobiography!